The Tacky Rich $

Welp, Looks Like We're All In the Wrong Line Of Work, Folks...

For what looks like something that would have gotten me a D- in Home Ec class, you can purchase for $1,139. No, your eyes aren't playing tricks, it really is $1,139, not $11.39 (which would still be too much for this...thing). farfetch.com

Speaking of playing tricks, how do we get a gig sewing a bunch of random pieces of fabric together and selling it for over a grand? Let me know when you find out and we'll go in business together. It'll be the best job ever because we'll drink margaritas all day while we work and no one will even be able to tell that we've been drinking all day by the look of the garments .

What in Liberace Pilgrim Hell Are These?

These silver leather and crystal buckle pumps by Marc Jacobs will make you feel as though you could prance right off the Mayflower and do a tap dance on Plymouth rock.

Featuring chunky heels and boxy toes reminiscent of the 1990's, and ginormous buckles reminiscent of the 1620's, you can take your hard-earned money and purchase your very own pair for $1,315 - just in time for Thanksgiving. forzieri.com

Speaking of Thanksgiving, check out these patient pets dressed and ready for Thanksgiving; they're way cuter than the shoes. peoplepets.com

A Top Only Bob Ross Could Love

Happy little trees and majestic mountains splash across both the front and back of this short sleeve top by Paul & Joe. Normally, seeing happy little trees and majestic mountains together means you're watching an episode of The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross, but unfortunately in this case, it's a $2,458 shirt covered in sequins. Sequins. boutique1.com

Here's a clip of Bob Ross painting one of his classic landscapes. Bob always had a way of making you feel as though you too could paint a masterpiece if you just followed along at home and had an endless supply of Van Dyke brown.

Decorate Yourself With Obama

Voters have spoken, and the President will continue to be President for four more years. If you're looking for something to wear to commemorate the occasion, the nice folks over at Avianne & Co may have something right up your alley.

Created with white gold and studded with blue, black, yellow and red diamonds, this pendant features the bust of the 44th President of the United States, and can be yours for $8,236. What a steal considering they have it marked down from $23,500 (?!). avianneandco.com

$8,236 could also buy you this 2004 Nissan Pathfinder:

But in America, you're free to buy whatever crap you want; including an eight thousand dollar, chunky, three-inch, bedazzled face of our nation's leader. (But it won't stop me from making fun of you for it.)

Excuse Me, But You've Got Some America On Your Face

Show your American pride by sporting these USA glasses by Jeremy Scott. Made to be worn by both women and men, 48 of the 50 states (Alaska and Hawaii aren't included) can rest awkwardly on your nose for $208. thisiswhyimbroke.com

Though some would say wearing America on your face is pretty patriotic, no one can say it's as American as apple pie or baseball. The $208 you would spend on these glasses could also buy you approximately 25 freshly baked apple pies or 16 MLB official baseballs.

Side note: I'm confident the type of person who would wear these glasses would also be the type of person to wear them indoors or at night, so I leave you with one of the greatest gifts from the 80's, Corey Hart's Sunglasses At Night.

(True story. I once went to a party and upon arrival, found out it was a costume party, so I pulled out my sunglasses, put them on and told everyone I was Corey Hart.)

Don't Get Spotted

For those who want to sport a little red, white and blue at the polls today, this leopard print clip-on bow tie is sitting on a shelf waiting for you at Barneys for $495. The patriotic-colored center band is made of silk, and the clip is silver-tone brass. Oh, and don't worry; this isn't real leopard fur. It's beaver fur. barneys.com

Quit Looking At Me Like That

I can't look at this for very long without it giving me a serious case of the creeps. I'm almost positive the eyes would follow people wherever they went in the room, and i'm very sure it'd even watch you sleep at night from your dresser.

For $2,090, you'd at least expect it to be made with gems, gold, or silver. Nope. It's made from brass, resin and glass. This Lanvin piece is made to be worn as either a necklace or a belt, so actually you're getting two accessories in one. So, it's like you're only paying $1,045 for each - what a steal!

Suggested usage: For days where you're in a bad mood and don't feel like talking to anyone, throw this on and no one will. marissacollections.com